garrulously | Where Ivan truly achieves his life goals

His conditioning kicks in talk it out -- but something in Ivan's brain stumbles over that particular thing, his mother never talked things out before offering physical comfort in the form of a hug -- and rather than attempt to talk it out, Ivan goes with his gut. Wrapping his arms more securely around the other man, he pulls him close against his chest, tucking his head under his chin and just holds him there. David can escape if he wants to, of course, but Ivan feels as if this is the better option.

The hug is far from expected and he finds his hands falling away as he's brought to Ivan's chest. How bad had he looked for his LSP to do this? The thought's only there for a second before it vanishes. Tears are blinked back before David lets them ruin the other man's shirt and wraps his arms around Ivan's waist as if he's holding on for dear life.

This, he thinks, might truly be his rock bottom.

Ivan doesn't really have an answer for any of his problems except for annoyance that they're a problem in the first place. That isn't fair to him, to anyone on Komarr, and his grip tightens in a manner that's almost protective. Stupid to think that about him, Ivan knows, but it doesn't stop him from the urge. He can't say it'll be okay, so instead he just.... rubs the other man's back comfortingly. That's helpful, right?

What is he even doing here? For a moment, the smell of Ivan and the hold the man has on him is enough. It's a feeling he desperately clings onto, fingers grasping Ivan's shirt tightly, until it's too far gone for him to reach. Quickly he pulls back and immediately wipes his eyes off on his sleeve to remove the last trace of his outburst.

"Sorry," he murmurs as he moves to stand. "I should go."

Ivan doesn't hold him back, just nods and opens his arms to let him go. Internally, he marks any further appointments with the man as up in the air. There's no telling if he'll ever see him again; and for a moment Ivan wants to say something. Being Betan fails him the once, and he nods.

"You're free to," is what he says instead, gesturing at the door and making no motion to pull him back. It's his choice, after all.

David doesn't want to leave, but neither does he want Ivan to see him in such a sorry state. There's something compelling him to go, and to go now. He doesn't look back as he makes his way for the door, eager to get back to the privacy of his flat.

And he doesn't come to his next session. A last minute call to the center to cancel, no questions asked of him beyond if this is a one-time missing or if the rest should be cancelled to. It's a long pause before he decides that one-time is fine, he'll decide on the rest later and he lets himself stew for another week.

Nothing's clearer the morning of this session and it takes time for him to draw himself from his flat. He still has no idea what he's doing, but isn't that what Ivan was for? Some sort of guidance so he's not reaching into this blind. It's hard to know what he's giving up if he doesn't know what he's missing and he's managed to avoid his father's attempts at arranged bonding so far. He's not sure his luck will hold but...

Something brings him back to Ivan's office. Late, but he's there and stands at the door with a grim look of determination. He's going to figure this out and Komarr be damned. He'll deal with that side when he gets home.

The cancelation of their next sessions doesn't come as a surprise to Ivan, who figures that the other man will -- eventually -- cancel them all. When he doesn't show at the one after, he's prepared to write him off. But then he hears someone at the door, and blinks.

"David!" Fortunately the recovery period is brief, and Ivan gets to his feet to usher him in. "It's good to see you."

"I'm sorry I'm late," he starts as he steps further inside. Should he take a seat? He glances over at the couch before deciding he'll wait for Ivan's lead. "I had to make a stop somewhere before I came in."

Ivan nods, gesturing him on to the couch. He's got the idea down. "Please, go ahead." There's an eyebrow raise at make a stop somewhere that he lets go. For now.

Ivan waits until he's taken a seat to sit next to him, relaxing against it and throwing an arm on the back of the couch. "I didn't know if you were coming again."

"I wasn't sure either," he answers as he takes a seat on the couch. He's near Ivan though he leaves some space between them. Ivan won't have to wait long to find out about what the stop was since it's burning a hole in David's pocket, so to speak.

"But I want to figure this out. Even if I can't pursue it very far once I get home." He pulls out a small jewelry box and toys with it for a moment before offering it to Ivan. "I thought I'd start with new earrings."

They're much the same as the ones he's wearing now. Seeing an LSP to figure things out, so he's uninterested in a relationship presently, but with a new mark to denote that his preference is for men and open to flirting. The last part had been something he'd debated on for a while, a major part of why he was late in the first place. But he's on Beta Colony and no one's going to care with how they wear their sexuality on their ears. Hopefully it'd be more help than harm.

Ivan takes the earrings, getting their meaning in a quick glance. He grins, first at them, then at David, as he hands the box over. He's surprised, but glad -- "You know what I said about making good progress? I meant it." And hell, he admires the other man even more for being willing to try this out anyway, in the face of everything.

"Do you have plans to test these out?" Ivan asks, curious. Half of this was about getting comfortable with oneself, and he'd like to know if David had thought that far ahead. He doesn't close the space between them -- leaving that to the other man's discretion -- but does lean forward onto his arms a little, giving the other man a curious look. He knows earrings are odd for galactics to adjust to; his mother had worn do not ask for most of his childhood. Turns out still angry at a dead husband wasn't actually a choice here.

He takes the box automatically and toys with it in his fidgeting hands. At least he can say that of his trip, his LSP thinks he's making good progress. The one part he can't really mention to anyone else back home. Very few even know this is where he decided to take his sabbatical and they assumed the Galen with no interest in any of the bondings offered to him was cutting loose, for one reason or another.

"I was thinking of trying them, yes," he answers carefully. "I wasn't sure if I should wear them out of the office or not."

Ivan smiles, although he won't have a helpful answer for that. "It's up to you, David. Do you feel comfortable with the idea of wearing them out?" He understands that some people do -- especially visitors. In his experience visitors tend to opt for more passive earrings; they can't read them like a native would, and so theirs tend to be invitations or warnings away. Ivan's own are inherently complicated: LSPT; bisexual; open to sex outside of work, but not interested in serious long-term relationships.

"If you'd like to wear them in the office to get used to the idea, you're welcome to."

He stares down at the box in consideration for a moment before nodding. That might help. Wearing earrings at all is an adjustment and maybe if he wears them in here long enough, he'll forget to swap them out. Throw himself into the deep end, as it were, with the warning still attached that he was seeking professional help. He's forever thankful that's not a taboo here and while the encouraging comments are awkward at times, he'll take them over the judgmental ones.

"I think I'd like that," he says and reaches to remove his current ones. Putting on the new ones however would be far more difficult and offers the box to Ivan once more. "Ah -- would you mind helping me put them on? I still have trouble without a mirror."

"I'd be happy to," Ivan says, taking the box back from David. With one hand, Ivan takes out one of them and with the other, brushes back the hair from around David's ear, tucking it back behind it with a lingering touch to the curve of his ear, trailing down to his neck before dropping his hand away to focus on putting the earrings in.

Ivan finds himself appreciating the line of the other man's neck, jaw, even the way his hair curls slightly against the skin there. He's not handsome in the traditional sense of the word -- profile suggesting something sharper and more memorable than the constructed faces of the people around him. No, it's a natural striking effect, and Ivan likes it. "Other ear?"

He smiles shyly at the care in which Ivan applies the first earring. The man's handsome there's no doubt that was a deciding factor when David had made his choice in LSP, but he was the right mixture of kindness and encouraging that he needed right now. When prompted, he nods and turns his head to make his other ear easier to reach.

"Thank you." He adds after a moment, "For everything. I'm not sure what I would have done if I had to handle this alone."

He repeats the same routine while putting in the other earring, although this time when he pulls away his gaze goes to David's lips. Not an excellent kisser, but if he'd let Ivan instruct him in that, too, he could be. Maybe he should ask the other man if he's interested in that one of these days.

Ivan smiles at him, handing back the empty box to him. "It's a pleasure, David." A genuine one, rather than an obligation like it can be.

He carefully places his old set of earrings in the box and pockets it. A set he hopefully won't need to switch to unless things go poorly. It's then that he notices Ivan's staring and he flushes lightly. It still feels strange receiving this much attention from another man, but he rather likes when he catches Ivan's eye. Even if he is paying the man for his time.

"I'm afraid I didn't review my plan before coming in here," he quips lightly. Whatever this session is supposed to entail is beyond David, but at least he's here.

Having not looked it over, thinking David might not come, Ivan's struck with a small idea to celebrate David's step forward. "Why not have a free session? Whatever you want to do, we can. Doesn't have to be stuff we've covered." Just so long as it moves them forward to his goal.

He stares at Ivan like a deer caught in headlights. A free session? His mind had defaulted to monetarily until Ivan had continued on. What does he even do with that?

"I'm not..." He frowns thoughtfully as he turns his attention down to his fidgeting hands. He's not sure but what would he like to do? There's a long pause before he finally settles on, "I'd like to try cuddling again. If that's all right."

For a moment, Ivan wonders what he's gearing up to ask for, and is pleasantly surprised by the simplicity of the request. He readjusts on the couch, turning towards David and gesturing for him to curl into his open side. "Of course it's fine, David." Alright, so it's not making out, but Ivan has... never really dealt with this odd feeling of disappointment before and ignores it.

It feels almost natural to curl up into Ivan this way. Which he knows is wrong, the man's his LSP not a surrogate boyfriend, but it certainly helps to make him feel better. He relaxes against the taller man and lets out a small sigh as his eyes slip closed. Just some time to relax and he'll be ready.

It feels just as natural to have the other man there, Ivan's arm going around his shoulders to keep him tucked in against his side. He debates anything else before remembering that cuddling was the request, and rests his cheek on the top of the man's head, thumb rubbing comforting circles with a relaxed, practiced ease. He doesn't say anything, waiting for David to start the conversation, although the warmth of the other man against his side is an odd temptation. A nap, maybe?

He didn't ask for one, however, so Ivan lets his eyes fall into half-open slits as he just breathes, waiting for David to set any further terms.

'Further terms' are far from his thoughts though he realizes that he should be doing something other than relaxing against his LSP's side. Even if it is incredibly comfortable. After a moment, he nuzzles his head against Ivan and pulls back slightly. Even asking for anything is a step for him and he studies Ivan's face for a long moment as if considering what he should request.

"Ah..." Mentally he curses. Not the most intelligent start, but he presses on. "Can I kiss you?"

The movement snaps Ivan from his mind, and he's alert when David pulls back, arching one brow and waiting for him to speak. And when he does, Ivan just smiles at him, wide and handsome. "Yes you may," he answers, managing to keep most of his glee out his voice. He shifts them slightly, pulling David more into his lap for an easier time of it. But he does nothing else, just waits.

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