Ivan doesn't. He might have been born on 'backwards Barrayar' but he's never been constrained by it. It echoes in his mother, who finds his career disappointing, but surprisingly tolerant of a sexuality he knows isn't much accepted on her home. Ivan almost wishes for a moment the other man didn't find this out about himself; wouldn't it be easier to struggle on in ignorance than to know what you could have, but can't?

Not that either of those are any decent option.

"What will you do, when you go back?"